Sagamihara: Remembrance

Light danced on my skin today, an experience you'll never have again.  My breath catches a little when I think of you, all nineteen, and the things you'll never have again. Or never had to begin with.

Did your families visit often?  Which seasons made you feel most alive?  Did you have a secret crush across the hall, burning your ears with secrets and tingling your lips with kisses?

Who were you?  Who would you have become if given the chance?

Today is the anniversary.  The day a hole was torn through your community.  The day you slipped away, faceless and unnamed, while your assailant smiled for his fifteen minutes.  Well, more like two minutes.  Not everyone spoke of it.  Most did not.

But we did-- we do.  The members of your extended community, the disabled community.  We have cried for you, screamed, raged.  We love you.  Love you still.  We hold you in our hearts and minds.  

I will never speak your murderer's name.  The vile scum will slip into the rot of forgetting and I'll leave him slide there... into the cold darkness where he belongs.  

I will never speak your names, but I want to.  I want to shout them out as a cry for justice and as a reminder of wretched ableism.  I want to whisper them to the stars so I can imagine you as light, happy things.  I want to say them, because you were important and worthy people, the kind of people deserving of remembrance that includes names and faces.

But I will remember you, regardless.  Always...

Writing Retreat at Home (Tips)

Last month, I addressed planning a DIY writing retreat.  It is less expensive, there isn't an application, and you can pick a venue more suited to your needs.  But, if the options presented during the last post aren't feasible, perhaps creating a retreat at home is what you need.

First, a caveat:  Not every tip will work or benefit every person.  
Take what you can and/or want.
~~~~~
1. Schedule your retreat and let everyone know.  
Figure out when you have time and schedule a weekend (or other span of time) to have your retreat.  Unless there is an emergency, don't cancel.  It is easy to dismiss a retreat at home as unimportant.
After you schedule, let your friends and family know you won't be available (or will only be available on a limited basis).  Tell caretakers what your plans are, what you need from them, and how this might change your interactions for a few days.  Let everyone who follows you on social media know so they don't think anything is wrong.

2.  Disconnect from online... and television... and cellphones.
If you're constantly checking Twitter, or are on your fiftieth cute cat video, you are probably not writing.  Cut yourself off from distraction.  If you need to research something for a story, make a note in the margin and look it up when the retreat is over.  Can't stop social media entirely?  Give yourself a half-hour before bed and no more.

3.  Pack your bags.
Get yourself in the right frame of mind by packing.  Put all the clothes you intend to wear for the duration (including extras for various accidents) into a suitcase and ignore your dresser while on retreat.  Gather your pens, laptop, notebooks, and anything else you would need to write and add them to your stuff.  Everything should be in one place for your needs and will help keep you focused.

4.  Plan your meals.
For those who do your own cooking, prepare meals ahead of time and freeze them so preparation time doesn't distract or cut into writing time. Those who don't cook for themselves can still save time by having discussions about meals in advance.  No one has to interrupt your creative flow to ask you what you want to eat when everyone knows beforehand.

5.  State what you hope to accomplish, but go easy on yourself.
Know what you want to get done, put it into words (write it down, record it on a sound device, etc.), and visit your intentions every time your day begins while on retreat.  Give yourself a goal.  Don't just leave it at "write every day", but try something specific.  Do you want to complete your novel's first draft?  Do you want to write six poems?  Are you in dire need of finished (and brainstormed) blog posts?  Make it clear what you're working towards.
But, if you didn't accomplish everything you wanted on your retreat, don't hate yourself afterward.  You might have had chronic pain flare-ups for two days and couldn't function.  You might have had news from a doctor that stopped your progress.  Things happen, in the skins of cripples and gimps.  Focus on what you managed to get done, no matter how little.  Progress is always something to celebrate.

6.  Try to write near nature...
A change in environment can do wonders for creativity.  Try writing outside your home one day during your retreat, if you're able.  If you can't go outside, sit beside an open window for awhile to feel, see, hear, and smell a different slice of the world.

 7.  ...or change your surroundings.
Your sleeping and/or writing area may also benefit from alterations.  Borrow different art from a friend and switch it with what's currently on your walls.  Buy a blanket in a different texture (one you like) and put it on your bed.  Put on a CD that has nature sounds or soft music.  Find an appealing, subtle fragrance you enjoy (that no one in your residence is allergic to) and add that to your room.  Give your senses pleasing things that aren't daily occurrences, but remember any allergies or sensitivities.  No one can write on overload.  Anything added to your environment should enhance your experience, not distract from your writing.

8.  Remember your comfort and health.
Wear comfortable clothing.  Find a spot to write that gives you the least amount of pain.  Take your medications.  Eat.  Stay hydrated.
Your health, comfort, and safety come before your writing.

9.  Write!
It's what you made time for, right?

Discovering Another Poet's Diagnosis

I found out (on Twitter) a poet I admire has multiple sclerosis.  In every biography I can find on him, there is no mention of it, though he offered the information freely.  It took me by surprise.

Why isn't it common knowledge?  Is he afraid people will see his (many) accomplishments differently?  Is it a fairly new diagnosis?  Does he just not identify as disabled?

I wanted to fire off a billion questions.  I did ask when he was diagnosed, but he didn't answer.  I didn't ask anything else because, no matter why there wasn't a response, it isn't my business.

We are not entitled to other people's medical histories or a detailed disability report just because we, ourselves, are disabled.  It isn't our place to categorize someone as disabled.  We wouldn't want someone making decisions about us we didn't agree with.

It did affect me, knowing he has MS.  I felt excited... and scared... and sympathetic... and honored.
He didn't have to tell me.  I wonder how he's going to navigate our ableist world when he's not considered able-bodied.  I have something (somewhat) in common with him besides writing.
~~~~~
Our brief exchange also made me question (again) my decision to omit my disability status with most of my published works, something I debate a lot.  Does the stigma some editors may have outweigh presenting more of my true self?  Is the fear an editor will publish me just to increase "minority representation" in her magazine more important than telling future crippled writers that there are other literary cripples (me, in this case) gaining visibility?  Is disclosing my disability on Twitter and my blog enough?

I am not sure.
~~~~~
Have you ever discovered someone you admired was disabled/neurodivergent?  Did it change how you thought about things (them, the world, yourself)?
Would you ever disclose (or stop disclosing) your disability status?  What could make you decide?

Ableist Writers, Inaccuracy, and Double Standards

It's important to write the stories we want to see, the books not being written because the majority of people aren't comfortable with those unlike themselves.  It is just as important to our art, however, to write whatever we feel compelled to write.

Society is more accepting of disabled/neurodivergent writers when we stick to disability issues.  (This, of course, doesn't mean able-bodied/neurotypical people will actually want to read works written by us.)  It's more of a... silent permission.  But things turn a bit more acidic when we write outside our sanctioned area of expertise.

Criticism cranks up to full blast, our disabilities/divergences are dissected, and the discussion of our "ability" to write about certain topics all start coming up when one of us dares to write a novel with "normal" people in it.  We are also faced with extra infantilization ("Aww, you wrote a cute, little story") or dismissiveness.

But able-bodied/neurotypical people can write about whatever they want, even if they are inaccurate or disrespectful (unless other people like themselves call them out).  They're told censoring what one writes injures creativity.  They're told to rush headlong into whatever subject ignites their passion.  They are not often told to do research for minority characters like they would a location or certain time period.  Accuracy doesn't matter for an actual group of people but, dress a character in a gown twenty years out of fashion, and the world explodes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know just the sort of backlash I (a fat, disabled, non-Christian, woman) would get if I wrote a story messing up all the able-bodied, Christian male characters (maybe making them all sexist villains with orange hair) but made everyone else diverse and alive.  It wouldn't be good.  Hell, it already isn't great, facing some of those people (ableist fatphobes) in my daily life.

I'm just so aggravated with the double standards.  And the crappy representation.  And having to be twice as good as a writer for many people to see me as half as talented as a "normal" one.  I'm tired of being told I shouldn't write about something with no logical reason why not but someone else can offensively pen something and it be defended as touching free speech or unabridged creativity.  It's exhausting.

Have you had to deal with someone downplaying your accomplishments because you're disabled/neurodivergent?  Has a writer ever been so inaccurate or offensive that it enraged you?  Ever been called a great writer, "for a disabled person"?

DIY Writing Retreat/Residency

Writing residencies (some call them retreats) are days, weeks, or months spent out of the house, scribbling furiously and (hopefully) making headway on a project or even finishing it.  The new location energizes and removes some of the pressures of daily responsibility.  Just a writer... and time to write.

Residencies vary greatly in length, location, and cost.  Since most writers can't afford the expense, or being away from a job or family for weeks, do-it-yourself retreats are gaining in popularity.

But, when you're disabled, some options for DIY retreats aren't available to us.

~ Swapping houses for a weekend with another writer you trust is an almost zero-cost retreat and a good choice... unless no one has a place that fits your accessibility needs.  
*But you may have friends whose houses will suit your needs, so keep that in mind!
~ Some of us can't travel hours from home. (More than one article I came across said, "Oh, travel at least two hours by vehicle to really get into the right mindset".  Yeah, sure!)
- Our medical equipment won't fit into some hotels.

Hotels aren't necessarily a bad idea, though.  Even in my city of less than 10,000 people, there is a hotel with accessible rooms.  It can be a relaxing option close to home.  The bad part?  Over $250 is the cost just for a weekend, which many of us can't afford.

An option for some who want to write in nature are national parks.  Many parks are handicapped accessible, some with cabins you can rent for around $30 a night.  In America, disabled people can apply for an Access Pass that reduces or eliminates fees to certain aspects of a national park.  Since there are many parks, chances are decent there is one within a comfortable distance.  Days do fill up fast though, so plan ahead!

Have you ever went on a writing retreat?  How did it go?  Have you ever thought about a do-it-yourself one?

This may be the start of a small series of blog posts.  Let me know if you find it interesting!

Tomorrow is #CripLit Chat

Tomorrow, at 4pm Pacific/ 7 pm Eastern, there will be a Twitter chat focused on disability and fiction writing.  Please check out all the details here.

It seems this will be a series of different chats covering different genres in the future.  I encourage everyone who is a disabled/neurodivergent writer to come out on Saturday and (at least) read what everyone has to say.

See you there, maybe!

Visibly Disabled Writers and Media Gigs

We all know attractive authors get more publicity and there is evidence that better book deals are given to beautiful writers, regardless of what people may say to the contrary. We also know inspiration porn is pretty prevalent in our society.  So, where does that leave writers with visible disabilities?  I could be wrong, but I'd say nowhere good for most of us.

Disability is considered unattractive (and media is responsible for perpetuating that viewpoint).  We are already at a disadvantage then, before we even submit a manuscript.  And if we aren't the thin, white, cishet, person who acquired a disability instead of had it from birth?  Oh, geez.  Even getting published could be an exercise in immense luck, much less finding outlets for promotion.

Society's need for inspiration porn might get certain disabled writers an interview (and again, the "right" kind of disabled) but the focus would shift from the book to the writer.  How wonderful that a cripple can write!  How much harder is it to write a book as a disabled person?  Wow, folks!  Your book will now be "that novel written by that gimp who appeared on that show".  Don't get me wrong, people might remember your television/radio debut that way anyway, but the focus the segment takes will almost guarantee it.

I suppose some of us, if we want, could attempt to play on media's need for our "uplifting" stories.  I'm certain some disabled writers out there wouldn't mind trying to capitalize on their difference.  And, while others will condemn them for adding to a problematic cycle of crippled misrepresentation, I'm unsure how I feel.  Should we press our every advantage (no matter how slim or unconventional) or are some things just not worth it?

I want to know:  If your disability could help you into the spotlight as a writer, would you use it?  Would you care if you became another case of inspiration porn if it meant getting your name out in the world?
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And before anyone starts the "but" train:  Yes, I know all writers have problems getting media coverage.  I know the vast majority of writers wait years to (if they ever) get published.  I'm not downplaying anyone's struggles, so no ableist harassment, please.